I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
