he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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