she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Someone signed my nipple.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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