Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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