break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
