Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
