summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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