Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
