My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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