there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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