I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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