I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
