We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
