i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
