where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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