try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In other news, I just burned my penis
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
