that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We named our party play list daddy issues
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
