you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
