in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Come on in and take your pants off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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