Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
