And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
did you just send me my own nude
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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