I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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