if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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