Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
