That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
