after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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