my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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