I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
