He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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