My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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