his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
