im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
