my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
