The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
