Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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