So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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