Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
