I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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