do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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