Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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