Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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