Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
