Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
