My friends, they love my intelligence
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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