i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
