Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
