yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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