omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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