so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fuck appropriateness.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
