Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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