Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
