just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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