I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
