How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
