My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
