i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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