she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
