so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
