it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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