Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
