As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
