His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
