nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
