Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
