If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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