she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
