Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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