i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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