I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
