why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
