he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
