A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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